Apes on the Blood Bowl Pitch! Mystic Knights of the Congo Bongo

The dream-child of Chance from 3-Die Block, a Blood Bowl Podcast, is a reality now.
This is great news for me, as anyone who frequents this blog might have noticed I'm quite the fan of Apes...
The Belgian Liberation Army for Weird World War II, Greystoke's Apes for Empire of the Dead, and now I can bring my favorite non-human apes into one of my all-time favorite games!

I backed the kickstarter and got my Apes from Impact Miniatures awhile back, and they're ready to play some Blood Bowl!

Apes seem ideal for a game like Blood Bowl: they're fast, amazingly strong, daunting to face, and feces-throwing skills should translate well for a passing game.

The minis were designed to be flexible to 'count-as' quite a few teams.  I gave a try at writing a roster for a new team to be actual Apes, but they could easily be run as Orcs, Chaos, Chaos Dwarves... the various Kickstarter reward team packages made that pretty evident.

I am thinking I'll be running my Apes as a 'Human' team.  We share so much DNA, so why not?
Besides, I never play Humans in Blood Bowl .. compared to orcs, dwarves, rats.. humans are boring!
But Apes? That's a team i can support.

I'm likely going to a Blood Bowl Tournament this weekend, if so, expect full expanded coverage!

For now, let's take a look at the team:  The Mystic Knights of the Congo Bongo! 

The muscle of the team: The Gorillas.    Danny, Vatos, Bartok & Sluggo.

They do sell football pants & torso armor for them, but I wanted my Gorillas to be natural.  For one thing, who's going to tell them they have to wear a uniform? You?  Good luck with that.  For another, I wanted to be able to use these as double-duty for my other Primate adventures.. they can now join the Belgian Liberation Army, or hunt the Victorian Streets of London without people wondering what their strange outfits are.
I can also use them for 'Prehistoric Pulp'.. when I get around to working on that project again!

The Gorillas will be the Blitzers.

Chimpanzees!   (Team will have 3): Owen Lee A. Ladd, Naas T. Habits, Violet Love.
How many Linemen can rip your arm out and beat you senseless with it? So yeah, Don't make them mad.

These will be the Linemen.

Orangutan Thrower, Zaius.
He's an up and coming star, already being sought by various companies for endorsements.
Expect to be able to get your 'Dr.Z' breakfast cereal soon!

A long bomb is often as easy as reaching out and placing the ball.

Catchers!  Inka-Martishka, Rainforest Gump, Nikima Cruise Chef.  

The Monkey, on the left, is from Eureka Miniatures. I reserve the right to run him as Puggy Baconbreath.

The Silverback: Mogambo!  

I think any Gorilla this size is easily the equivalent of an Ogre. Actually, an Ogre better watch himself.

Blood Bowl Tactical Test:
Question:  Where does a Silverback Gorilla set up for a drive?
Answer: Anywhere he wants to.

Every team should have a sideline band!  -Miniatures from Eureka, the winged monkeys, without the wings.

I will use these for a Cheerleader and as Tokens to track Turn, Re-rolls & Score.

The coach: General Grey Matters  (Also from Eureka Miniatures)

He is the coach.  He's also the Referee... 

when he isn't running the country and being the commander of the military.  

What?  You say someone can't be both coach and referee?  Gorillas will be coming to your house soon. 

And the team all together:  (click for larger)

The Mystic Knights of the Congo Bongo, now join the Hall of Fame.


I'm about 2/3 leaning toward going to the Tournament this weekend.

So if I run the team as Humans, which I want to, I am torn between two team builds:

The team construction is 1200 TV, with buying skills for normal cost, but can't have a skill more than twice.
Star players are allowed after 11 players as normal.

Version A:

Ogre, 4 Blitzers, Thrower, 2 Catchers, 3 Linemen, Puggy Baconbreath, 1 Reroll
Skills: Leader, Block for Ogre & a Catcher, Diving catch for a catcher, Blitzers: Guard, Tackle & Strip Ball.

Version B:  (Cut Puggy, run with bare 11 and get another reroll and more skills)
Ogre, 4 Blitzers, Thrower, 2 catchers, 3 Linemen, 2 Rerolls
Skills: Leader, Block Ogre, Catchers: Block & Diving Catch, Blitzers: 2 Guard, Mighty Blow, Tackle,
Linemen: Kick & 2 Wrestle.  Every player gets a skill!

What do you think?
Puggy could be fun (or he could kill himself being Ogre-thrown). Version B doesn't have a spare on the bench, but a lot more skills to maybe keep players on the pitch longer.

I have to decide by tomorrow so I can paint the numbers and skills on the bases.

In the meantime, General Grey Matters insisted that his personal theme song be played by the sideline band, The Congo Cacophony Orchestra...

Back into the Bog: More RPG Minis: Bog Creatures

All told for this project there were 29 individual minis, here are the ones I group as 'The Bog Creatures':

The King of the Bog: not to be messed with. 

Mean little frogs, but cute! I've long been tempted by these Reaper frog minis, was nice to get to paint them!

A Lone Troglodyte Hunter...

What are these? I don't know, but they look unwholesome, and sure they'd be comfy in the bog.

Your party's Ranger has his work cut out for him with these! 

They'll take you down there... so be careful!

Enjoy!

More RPG Minis: Final Room Baddies

Some more minis from the big RPG minis lot...
Here are some 'final room' type baddies.
You know, when you'd get to that last room on the map- usually the biggest room in the dungeon, you know you've made it because the DM's voice is a bit more excited and has that 'here at last' tone to it.
The room has a lot of columns, you've fought your way through, but get ready for a long detailed description and probably a proper villain monologue too.

A Death Knight or Undead Paladin...

Undoubtedly some high-end magic items, some spell casting ability and you've got no chance to turn him.

For the more robust party, a powerful devil:

This guy was a lot of fun to paint!
Reminds me of the crazy power-gaming D&D I did when I first started playing the game, at about age 13 or so... some adventure where we had to defeat a couple major devils.  We did manage to banish them, but they abducted one of the party's followers, so we mounted an expedition to harrow hell itself.  Great silly fun.

More to come!

In the meantime, enjoy some monologuing and bickering of some other 'major baddies'...
I'm looking forward to this series :)

The Green(skin) Knight: 3 Year Glance Back

I was organizing some of my painted minis files and noticed that one of my favorite pieces was coming up on being 3 years old.  Older than this blog, so I thought I'd throw him a little birthday party, since he never got a dedicated update.

I rarely have the time to spend a long time on a single mini.  If I was wealthy maybe I could make the time, but I suppose I've always been an 'army painter' at heart, seeing how I have more projects going than I have time to paint in three lifetimes, and I'm always getting motivated to do new armies, warbands and teams.. but occasionally I make the time to focus in one just one.  I did for this goblin, which was for a painting contest on The Warhammer Forum.

I had in mind to make a 'Goblin Knight'.  So first I had to convert the Goblin.  I used the GW Goblin Hero on Squig, and 'knighted him up' using part of a Bretonian helmet, and green stuff to make a broken lance, barding, a little outcropping and add to the helmet, and plasticard for the shield and plasticard tube for part of the helmet.  The helmet was important.  I felt it needed to be there, to sell the 'knight' concept, but didn't want it on his head, so I opted for this idea, to have it flying off his head as he charges forward.

Here's the conversion (click for larger):
 

And finished:

It's amazing how fast three years goes by, this feels like not long ago at all. 

Looking at him again I have it in my mind to reuse this scheme of ivory to red through coral for another project... so you may see something of that in the mid-distant future. 

Happy Birthday Brave Little Goblin! 

The Brute Squad: More RPG Minis

Some more minis from the big various group of RPG Minis for Squad Class painting, this is a grouping of 'ogre types', which should be a staple of any DM for a D&D or similar setting.  Ogres make great wandering monsters for dungeons, wild lands, or even as threatening NPCs for a caravan guard, local city organized crime or tavern bouncer.

A shaman type, big savage brute and a slightly more civilized brute.

If you see them from this angle, chances are it's through the one eye remaining that isn't completely swollen over as you bleed all over the floor now that they're done with you. 

Enjoy!

Blue Squadron Standing By: Galacteer Strike Team

I decided to do something a bit different for my Galacteer fleet from War Rocket.  Unlike the other race fleets, these won't be uniform. I've divided them up into three squadrons of a Class II and three Class I rockets each.  All will have white hulls, with the accent color of their squadron.  I think this should still look good if I want to combine them into one fleet, but will also make it very easy to divide them up for the multi-player game I'd like to run at a Game Convention next year which will have each person commanding a small group of rockets in a space battle and race to a planetoid, where they then command a small ground party to   secure an object of importance.

Here is Blue Squadron:

I probably should have photo'd them against my star mat, but I was too lazy to get all that out ;)

Close up on the command ship, can click for larger.

The other two squadrons will be Red & Green. 

Skaven Mordheim Warpstone-scavengers

This was a very fun project to work on.
I've always liked Skaven, being a big fan of rats, one of my favorite animals.

The client wanted resin bases, and agreed with my selection of Dragonforge, which I have always found to be the highest quality and great designs.  I did suggest adding a shard of warpstone to the base of each character, and having it glow green. I think OSL is a bit overdone lately -just because something can glow doesn't mean it is always best to have it do so, but in this case I thought it'd be good and enhance the mood of the Mordheim setting: a dark ruined city where  everyone competes for survival and hunting for these valuable mutagenic rocks.

On to the pictures!

A pair of young characters with pairs of fighting claws. I love these claws!

The sorcerer, made from parts of Plague Monks.  

The leader. Armed with a brace of warplock pistols and two weeping blades. 

I chose to taint the tip of the swords with warpstone, as if they used it in the forging process. 

The warriors: more 'natural' and grimy in browns and heavier rust. 

Click for larger.  

One brandishes the mighty 'board with a nail in it'! 

All together now:

Big Brutes to do the DM's Bidding

One of the projects at the stations is for a client having a whole bunch of RPG minis painted.
It's a lot of fun to have a wide variety of minis that I have complete reign to do whatever I feel is right.
They are quick Squad Class pieces, but I'll be enjoying the variety and individuality of the lot.

This takes me back to when I first discovered miniatures- as a young teenager, getting into D&D and seeing the miniatures collection of some friends, one who's older brother painted, quit nicely I remember thinking at the time, and how I wished I could have some minis too- I couldn't of course: I was far too poor!  A nice thing about D&D, I could play that game with just the set of hand-me-down dice one of the guys gave me, some scrap paper and a pencil,but buying any of the books let alone miniatures was not a possibility.

Maybe that's a reason I can't resist buying them now ;)

Would make RPGing very cool to have a huge variety of painted miniatures on hand, for any possibility, ready for action, so I'll be trying to make some nice additions to his collection.

Here are a couple of the big bashing baddies to start with...

A Swamp Troll from reaper if I remember correctly.  Couldn't resist going with a swampy-green.

An even bigger troll-type. Going for more of a 'rock troll' coloration for him. 

The Bone-swords: Skeletal Zendarian for Empire of the Dead

It probably doesn't come as a shock to know I love to start new projects, which is one reason I love skirmish games: it's not too hard to make a new project!

One of the more recent new projects is a new faction team for Empire of the Dead, which we've been playing on Fridays.  I had some skeleton miniatures I liked quite a bit, and was looking for an excuse to field them.  I have Greystoke's Apes (a 'Lycan' faction) and a Nosferatu faction (as yet they haven't had an update here, but they will) so I thought I'd use skeletons for a re-skinning (or de-skinning rather) of a human faction. The obvious choice would be to run them as 'Holy Order' but do an 'un-holy order', but looking at the rules it didn't really fit with how I'd like them -and I have another idea for a Holy Order faction anyway...
the next obvious choice would be Darkfire Club: the evil humans, who use dark magic and can summon zombies. But I dismissed that right away: I want Skeletons, not Zombies.

I love Ray Harryhausen's work, and I saw Jason and the Argonauts when I was a kid-it creeped me out!

Ever since I have loved skeletons, but -this might be as shocking as when I told my rural North Carolina relatives that I am not Christian -of any variety- but Zombies don't really do anything for me.

I know zombies are the new hotness and are likely to remain so- they seem to be everywhere and as popular as orgasmic cell phones might be if they existed (I'm sure they're working on them).  But meh.  I like Walking Dead, and zombie movies are fun, but they don't sing to my soul as it were.

But Skeletons are so cool.  They are like jazz-cool.

When I first started painting minis a lot of what I liked was already taken: one friend had orcs, another had undead, so now I wanted to make an all-skeleton faction.

So I chose Zendarian.  This is the faction that has a military tradition. They get a bonus to combat, weakness to magic and are better at sword fighting: they have a better chance to riposte (get to attack if opponent gets a successful attack on them).  Perfect!  These Harryhausen skeletons are ingrained in my mind fighting in close armed combat, swords clinking.  Vulnerable to magic? OK, they are skeletons afterall, some magic binds their bones and helps animate them, that would be a vulnerability.

And so I went off on writing their background. If you missed it, which turned into a short story, it starts here.

So on to their pictures...

The President. In game terms he starts with two swords (one on the model, but he's just that good & fast with it!) and a 'Pocket Periscope' which lets him see around corners, so can charge from hidden position.. explained as a supernatural sight- which he must have, he has no eyeballs!

The first Vice President, armed as the president. 

The 2nd V.P.  Same kit as the other two.  

Some members. Start with just a sword, but over time will upgrade to count as 2 swords.

I went for a heavy rust,since I like the effect with skeletons.  The color scheme is kept simple.

I really like these Skeletons from Nemesis. The skulls have a 'nightmare before christmas' touch to them, and I like the angled awkward poses. Unfortunately, to get the numbers I needed 3 sets, so some duplicates are unavoidable, I gave the open-jaw ones different angles to how they hold their swords, but the last pose here has the most variety. Stock is the one on the left, where he's swung his sword so wide he's pulled his arm off!   Fun, but not something I wanted three of, so I converted the other two, for a raised sword and a low upper cutting two handed swing. 

Here is the starting faction: Pres, 2x VP & 5 members:

I should also have no problem using these for a variety of fantasy skirmish gaming, since you can always use skeletons! 

Death Walks the Streets of London 1888: Conclusion of Their Tale

So, you might ask, if the Knights Reliquar were successful in their quest in 1573 in Istanbul and secured the Holy Grail, how would this bring an end to their order and how is it related to the dead knights who hunt our streets?  And well too you might ask who was the woman guarding the grail and what did her curse mean?  Who she was I will leave to your own pondering, for I have my own but I will not voice it.  The other matters are more clear...

Upon returning to the West, Sir William had no intention of returning to Charles IX, nor even revealing their success. He did not trust the French King, any more than he had trusted the Turks, with the most important relic in the world.  Who could he trust?  Certainly not the Pope... Queen Elizabeth?  Though he owed much to his sovereign, as Knight Commander of his order, his loyalty must remain free from any one monarch, for were not members of the Knights Reliquar also from the Grand Dutchy, Norway, Spain, Florence.. which to give such strength?  Just look what the Medici had done to Protestants the previous year... with beliefs divided even within his order he could not favor one over the other.

It was decided they would take the precious relic to William's estate in Devon, and try to determine how it might be used. The Knights discussed, meditated, and kept their secret. Charles IX railed at their failure and what little respect their order still commanded dwindled further. Over the years, Tavas, effectively the second in command of the order took a wife, Josephine of Crecy, a cousin of William.  She added much to their understanding of the relic, once admitted into the trusted circle of those who know.  It was her belief that it could bind a group by spirit and will, those who in ritual shared the cup. And so the thirteen of them, the 12 knights and lady, became bound.

Their first true test of their power came over ten years later. On hearing the warnings of the Armada, sent by Spain to invade England, they traveled with the Grail to Portland and from there watched some of the first battles.  Under Josephine's direction, the knights concentrated upon the enemy fleet, willing their destruction, with vivid images of the red-crossed ships sinking.  From then, when they gazed at the ships they saw them in dark haze, as a storm appears on the horizon.  The fact that bad luck flagged these ships as they sailed around their islands, with nearly all sinking in tossed storms did not surprise them, but it did weigh heavy on William.

Had they misused the power? Tavas argued that it was theirs to use, "For if the power is God's," he stressed, "then we could not use it thus unless it was God's will that we do." His logic was hard to refute.

Ten years more passed by, when one night as William was in the library, hearing a woman's step behind him, as he turned expecting to find Josephine, he was instead looking at another, younger, darker woman.  She looked familiar, though who she was and how she got into his home he could not guess.  Before he could ask, she slid along the back of his chair, tracing the fine fabric with a delicate finger.

"How do you find the spoils of your war, Knight?" She asked, with a wry smile he recognized.

But, how?  She had not aged a day since that moment in the vault below Hagia Sophia.

"And of my other gift?  How grows the gift of your wisdom?" She looked at him, deeply.  He felt  genuine unease.   "Still a seed I see. Well, it has not had much time, but it will.  Of that at least there is no doubt: time you have in abundance."

He began to speak, but she held him with a look.

"I have come for my possession, you have held it from me long enough.  Do not bother to call for your knights, it will avail you not.  In a small way I do pity you, do you know?  No. Probably you do not, can not, understand yet.  But I do.  Make the most of the few years ahead Knight, they are precious to you in a way that none after ever will be.  These memories will sustain you, even as they pain you.  Goodbye."

He drew breath to round on her, but she was gone. The room was colder, the fire significantly smaller than it had been a moment before.  He ran to the room where they kept the Grail, but it was gone.  He knew it would be fruitless to ask the others, but he called for them anyway.

Years passed and the Knights and Lady grew older.  Any miraculous power they once had was gone, but the ties and connection they felt never diminished regardless of distance.  Tavas and Josphine bore no children in all these years.  The first sign that there was a deep price they all were paying was when Hue of Gaston died in the battles of Brittany in 1598. Months after word of his death arrived, Hue himself arrived in Devon.

That he was dead there was no doubt.  Cold to the touch, with no breath or beat of heart, grey, drying skin.
He could talk after a fashion, though more than this, the others simply felt what he wished to say.  A deep sadness, a restlessness devoid of energy. And strongest of all, a regret when he thought of them.  They debated what to do. They could not bury him, for it was too cruel, with his spirit and mind still alive.  To call for a priest they could trust?  Who?  Word would surely get out, and even under Elizabeth's permissive rule, such an abomination would surely bring about a reaction one might expect by the Inquisition.  No, they would keep the secret, keep him safe, wait for his trapped spirit to find it's own way free to the maker.

But it did not, and not long after others of their number followed.  What would they do when all of their order was this way?  Could they keep on the estate, when none yet remained warm and alive?  They did for a time, but as the flesh fell away from their bones, as decades wore on, there came a day when the Devon estate was empty.

Down the centuries, there have been tales of sightings of death himself, of a white skull , with eyeless sockets penetrating one's soul and chilling the blood.  Fancies most would say, but three hundred years later, here in London, we know it to be true.  These Bone-swords are one in the same.  Sir William, Tavas and his bride, the Knights Reliquar who have themselves become relics: walking bones, with all the deadly art that wielding a blade for over three hundred years will bring.

What's that?  And so why are they so bold now in London?  Aye, it's true that some have seen a fancy Lord and Lady some nights, though on closer look, perhaps a young cut-purse gets more of a shock than a sudden flash of a cane sword, for it's held in a bony hand and death's grin itself resides under a top-hat... but it is queer times, with men who change into wolves, and the Vampyr hunting the knight.  It is a new age we live in, and perhaps the glimpse of skeletal men are not now so strange as to bring an entire city to bear against them.

Do they walk brazenly now to join the hunt, or to protect us?  Only time will tell, but take my advice, either way, you are safer to stay well clear of them, if you catch sight of them.

                       William                                           Tavas                                             Josephine

20 Questions of Questionable Importance & Interest

So a pair of constant wargame-blog entertainers, Ray & Angry Lurker decided to toss 20 questions at each other more or less related to wargaming and since they're encouraging everyone else to jump in I figured I might as well.  It's less painful than jumping off that bridge my mom kept asking if I'd jump off of if everyone else was doing it, so why not?

You probably are familiar with these two, if not you should visit their blogs- often.
Their bicker-banter is always entertaining. They work as guards at the same place, and so I tend to picture them thus:

But hearing their verbal sparring I think it's closer to this:

So, are the questions & my answers of interest or importance?  I don't know.. let's find out!

On to the Questions!

1.        Favorite Wargaming period and why?

* Very tough question.  There are so many I like and have interest in.  But if I must chose one I'd probably say 'Fantasy'.  Not technically a period, since it isn't historical, but I love the wide range of possibilities it offers. 

2.       Next period, money no object?

* Hmmm... well if you're going to tempt me... Medieval: Hundred Years War... complete with castles, towns, muddy ruins, siege equipment and everything. I've always wanted to do this period, but I'd want to research it all, get all the heraldry accurate- a huge investment in time. 

3.       Favorite 5 films?

* Not sure this is an exact order...

1. Last of the Mohicans

2. Lord of the Rings (all 3 counting as 1)

3. Henry V (Brannaugh version)

4. Harold & Maude

5. Bad Santa

4.       Favorite 5 TV series?

* Again, can't be possitive about the order... 

1. Battlestar Galactica (newer series)

2. Mystery Science Theater 3000

3. Game of Thrones

4. Lost

5. The Tudors

5.       Favorite book and author?

* Favorite series: J.R.R.Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings

* Favorite single book: George Orwell: 1984

6.       Greatest General? Can’t count yourself!!

* Not an easy question.  A lot of the 'greats' had overwhelming technological and resource advantages, like Ceasar... kind of stacking the deck in your favor before it starts. I'll give it to Ghenghis Khan. 

7.       Favorite Wargames rules?

* Not a 'wargame' per se, but I'll go with Blood Bowl!  Never get tired of this game!

8.       Favorite Sport and team?

* That's easy: None & None.  Just about no interest in sports and I'm philosophically opposed to professional sports. 

9.       If you had a only use once time machine, when and where would you go?

* As much as I'd like to go to over a thousand different time-spots in the past, if I could only use it once, I'd go to the future... how far? tough question... maybe 1250 years. I want to know how things turn out, but not so far that I'd be unable to understand anything.  maybe bring back a fusion battery and a 'history book' to make things better and rewrite the time line.

10.   Last meal on Death Row?

* Pepperoni pizza. Chocolate sundae for desert.  
 Although... if the bastards are going to kill me, maybe a massive pot of chili.  Kill me and I'm leaving a serious mess for you to clean up.  Serves 'em right. 

11.    Fantasy relationship and why?

* I'm living the fantasy! My girlfriend/fiancee/one-I'm-going-to-marry, however you'd like to phrase it, is hands-down the best woman for me I've ever known or could imagine.  Fun, funny, smart, beautiful, supportive, good, and 120% life concentrated down into one human.  
Cheesy or not, even in 'fantasy' I pick her. 

12.   If your life were a movie, who would play you?

* John Cusack.  Similar features and cadence of voice and slight reserved demeanor, and been told that's the celebrity closest in appearance more often than any other. And since it's pretty common that actors are better looking than the people they play, I won't feel bad about picking someone not bad looking.. if he can play Poe (there's a sorry mug) there's no issue with him playing me. 

13.   Favorite Comic  Superhero?

* I wasn't really into comic superheroes as a kid.  But I think Batman is the coolest.  No super powers, nothing magical or special, just will & cleverness. 

14.   Favorite Military quote?

"If you're going through Hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill.  

-I've drawn on that many times in my life. 

15.   Historical destination to visit?

* Someplace I haven't been yet... so I'll take the Pyramids. 

16.   Biggest Wargaming regret?

* That I didn't have a lot of money back in the late 80's... would love to have got a lot of old classic Citadel & Marauder minis, but at the time I was about as poor as one could be. 

17.   Favorite Fantasy job?

* Pay me to travel & write about it! 

18.   Favorite Song, Top 5?

* Again, not in any particular order... 

1.  Try a Little Tenderness - Otis Redding

2.  Baba O'Reily - The Who

3.  I'll Fall With Your Knife - Peter Murphy (see bottom of this blog entry) 

4.  Desert Rose - Sting

5.  Father & Son- Cat Stevens

19.   Favorite Wargaming Moment?

* Maybe 20 years ago now... Thanksgiving, my great friend Bill and I decided to have non-family Thanksgiving. We ordered Pizzas, there was an MST3K marathon on and we played a massive battle of Warhammer on the floor.  Best thanksgiving ever.  

20.   The miserable Git question, what upsets you?

* What doesn't?? ;) 

Well, top of the list....

1. Politicians, Lobbyists, the whole broken corrupt political system. 

2. Modern Media, Political Propaganda that passes as 'news' and the stupid public that cares about and thinks they have the right to know about stupid crap like 'sex scandals' and other meaningless trashertainment that only serves to allow the corrupt system from continuing to abuse and control us. 

3. Rap Music & Rap Culture. I was sure this was a fad in the 80's.  Damn. 

  -oh, and pull your damn pants up, you look like your mom smoked engine coolant when you were in the womb.

4. Pride in willful stupidity. 

5. Smoking.

6. Door to door religion pushers. 

7. Reality T.V. 

8.  Cold-call sales calls.  I'm sorry you have a shitty job, but not so sorry that I won't be rude to you if you aren't gracious when I say I'm not interested and am going to hang up now. 

9.  Asshole drivers.  Do you really need to endanger my life to get one car length ahead?  Saving yourself 2 seconds of time is not worth the risk of spending months in the hospital for you and others

10.  People who constantly pause in their speech by saying "know what I'm saying?" .. well, I know you're saying "know what I'm saying?" but since that isn't saying anything, no: why don't you actually tell me instead of asking? 

Enjoy!