Tuesday, January 24, 2012

For the Love of Bacon: The Puggy Story

Everyone loves bacon.  


Even pigs love bacon.  Vegetarians love bacon (they just hate their taste buds), so it should come as no surprise that Halflings love bacon.  Yes, even more than a South Carolinian with a cholesterol level ten times his age, Halflings are the kings of bacon appreciation.  Saying this then, you understand the full weight of the statement when I say that one young halfling, Puggy Baconbreath, loves bacon a good three or four times as much as do other halflings.  No really, it's true!  And the only thing equal to his love of bacon, is his love of the game: Blood Bowl.

Puggy was born a fat, round, squealing infant prone to roll around in his own filth: a typical halfling child.
His mother loved him dearly, so wanted him to have the best advantage on life he could get, so she started him on bacon even before he was weened.

Growing up on Baconbreath Farms, young Puggy had ample opportunity for physical activity.
As he grew, his parents saw he was naturally athletic, when properly motivated, so trained him by letting him pick his own lunch: he could pick a pig, but had to chase it and wrestle it down, which worked up quite an appetite!

This activity soon led him to a career in Blood Bowl.  His father shipped him off to a Blood Bowl camp when he was a teenager, after realizing that Puggy ate more pigs than his farm could afford to lose. 

Puggy quickly became the most famous player from the Moot.  Stronger than his team mates, his coach once remarked to reporters "He's a terror on the pitch! He's just more hungry than the others."  When asked about this, Puggy said indeed he was, cut the interview short and went to his second lunch!  

Now Puggy is a star, playing for only those teams which can afford to pay his excessive appearance fees which include meals to his specifications.  His favorite in-between drive snack is the 'Puggywhich' as it's known now back in the Moot:


 An eight pound mass of bacon between a soft roll, with a dill pickle.  Yes, the pickle is shown, it's somewhere buried in the bacon.  To wash it down, he's quick to drink a couple of these:


Yes, life is good for a Blood Bowl star.  

Today, Puggy has signed with the Picnic Pillagers, and says "I look forward to the bacon sandwiches"






9 comments:

Dan said...

Damn! I forgot to figure in the (potentially huge) bacon expenses when I hired Puggy. This could put the Pillagers in the poor house! :-(

Paul of the Man Cave said...

Epic!

Brummie said...

LMAO Great post. But where has the bacon gone......

Anne said...

I need some sausages to go with that bacon and some eggs fried in grease would be nice. I'm serious, really I am.

Michael Awdry said...

Tremendous, but I have to say that the post has now left me salivating and seriously considering how bacon flavoured 'Diet' coke would actually taste!

The Angry Lurker said...

Mmmmmmmmm bacon......drooling, I rarely show my SWMBO my blog with Pamela Anderson pictures.....

Laughing Ferret said...

Writing this made me really crave bacon... I'm with Anne on this.. nothing like eggs cooked in the pan after the bacon. (cue Homer Simpson drooling noise). Bacon flavored soda though- that's sounds truly nasty. Don't think i could deal with that.

Dunc said...

For the love of everything holy and most things unholy, that first picture is disturbing.

In fact, I think I'm going to scream myself to sleep tonight

Dan (again) said...

Just gotta say, having read the semi-official backround for Puggy posted over on TFF, I like this one better! Well done. Bacon, that is. ;-)

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