Aslan's Asskickers: Game 4 Report

 Jim: "Here they come again Bob, those lion-loving forest frolickers, The Aslan's Asskickers. 

Bob: "They're playing those cow dwarves again."

Jim: "Eh? No, that's a different team.  This is another Chaos Dwarf team, there seems to be a lot of them around these days, but they aren't cow-dwarves."

Bob: "Different cow dwarves? No Bull? But I see two with cow-butts"

Jim: "Seems their minotaur is out sick! And yes, centaurs have cow butts."

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Game 4 was against the other Chaos Dwarf team in the league, the misguidedly named Little Damned Stunties. His Minotaur was out with an injury, missing this game, so he was able to induce Nobbla Blackwart, the chainsaw goblin star. He also had a reserve bench of 2 hobgoblins.  Meanwhile, my team had a new minotaur to replace the busted one I fired: Rudolph would be replaced by Blitzen, a name I hope will be appropriate.  I won the fame but he won the coin toss and elected to receive. 

I kicked to the center just as clouds parted and the field bathed in very bright sunlight, the ball went very deep and bounced off field, so it was handed to his blocking, sure-hands centaur: the one that looks like a cow.  

A bit of bad luck, but not a big deal.  My mission here is to slow his drive and steal the ball if I can. 

The first few turns are pretty uneventful, I get knocked down a lot and don't seem to do any good knocking back, but I've slowed him to where he's not making any progress. I kept trying to get at the chainsaw goblin, to remove his threat, but so far that bloger was safe, luckily his chainsaw wasn't doing anything to me either.

Then comes Turn 4. The moment when it all begins to fall apart.  My Minotaur who'd chased after the chainsaw goblin, now got blitzed by the ball carrying centaur (!) Injured.. killed! Wow, first game, 2 actions with him and killed? So I apotho'd and got 'miss next game'.. not good for a new player mid season, but better than dead.

Then he knocks out a faun and my elf as well.  In my response I did manage to finally injure that chainsaw goblin. 1 injury for each, even except for missing my new mino next game. But I also had to dodge a faun, rolled a 1 and knocked himself out! Yikes.  My team is getting thinned. 

He's now caged up in the center and I have none that can deal with it, so it's time for a risky move: Dodge with the bear to blitz the ball carrier.  Has to be done. Roll the bone-head: he's fine. Dodge: 2.. Loner? rolled a 4, hes ok to use the reroll: reroll: 4! dodge is successful! Run for the blitz, hit for 2 dice.. push. *sigh*
Quite an impressive play for a fizzle at the end.

Blitz failed to knock the carrier down, but he's pretty hemmed in there.  But then on Turn 7 my Boar (the troll) gets double skulls on a block and get's knocked out and he's knocked out another of my fauns too.  His armor rolling was amazing.  Almost always rolling a 10 and getting more knock outs than stuns.

His time to shine, dodge with the centaur carrier, makes it, go for it to hand off to the other centaur, makes it, hand off is good, centaur makes 3 go for its to score!

I had 4 in the knock out box now and get 2 of them back for my last turn.  I proceed to fail both the bone head and the stupid check for the big guys and then fail to pick up the ball with my agility 3 sure hands faun, for the turn over.  Sometimes you have to laugh.. 1/6 & 1/6 & 1/9 chance of that happening and I get them all.. quick, get me a lottery ticket! I did get my other 2 knocked out guys back for the 2nd half though.

Just one guy down, and the score 0-1 at the half.  I set up to make a drive down my left flank.  I blitzed with the bear into the centaur, and wrapped guys around to receive a pass later.  The Boar wades into the dwarves to tie up as many as he can.  His Turn one he gets to the frog and kills him.  Yikes! My glorious agility 4 Froglin, now a green smear on the field. The crowd gasps in shock. Not trusting the way luck is landing this game I throw to the elf who then makes one go for it to score. This team can be pretty fast when it wants to be. 

I then kick to him and he fails to pick up the ball.  here's my chance! I take the risk and send half my team around the sides to try to take advantage of it- if he fails to pick up the ball again I could get it, or barring that, can jump his ball carrier.  But he knocks out my troll... with a hobgoblin no less!

(The all-judging finger of Nuffle points out his next victim)

He does manage to pick up the ball this time and makes 3 go for its to get safely into a center cage, away from the players I sent after him. Drat.   He also knocks out another faun and stuns the Bear and injures another faun.  It's not that I'm having very bad luck it's that his luck is marching down Main street forwarded by a big brass band. 

Turn 5, and half my team watches the disaster unfold

I now have 6 players to his 11 and he's got the ball well protected. I see a chance.. a 1 die blitz with my wrestling skaven to bring down the ball carrier. First he needs to dodge out.. roll a 2: reroll: 1. armor break & knock out! In response he injures yet another faun! I now have 4 on the field. 

With his ball carrier close to scoring I got a faun onto him, he blitzes him and knocks him down, his turn had ended, my turn 7 I jump up with the faun to throw 2 die in his favor against the centaur, not a good roll.. use a reroll, get pows! he goes down! but in dodging away to get the ball he fails his dodge.  The centaur gets up and makes the winning TD. Almost had it there at the end, even with almost no team on the field. 

Well it was a seriously brutal game.  Karmic retribution for the damage I did to the other chaos dwarf team in game 2? or maybe they heard what I did to their cousins and were bent on revenge.  First loss, record is now even 1-2-1. 

He managed to get 4 injuries on me so he's wracked up a lot of star player points.  My minotaur will be out next game and I've bought a brand new frog for my team, so rest in peace Clyde and welcome Tadd Pohl to the team. I did get 1 skill roll, so another faun with block.  Lost a rising star, but the team is becoming more reliable so maybe it will work out.  2nd skill on the first faun to get a skill though is going to be claw.  Have to do something about all this 9 armor out there! My next game is probably against dwarves: he also had a bad game: a blocker & slayer killed.  So our bruised teams should make a nice game on the kiddie-field. 

After a beating like that, this song seems appropriate, enjoy!