Monday, November 5, 2012

They're Just Questions. Designed to Provoke a Wargaming Response

Making the rounds is the 'Are you a proper wargamer' quiz, and in true wargaming spirit it's already been modified with home-brew changes and additions.  I believe this is the latest incarnation, from Dampf, via Big Lee.  Though I also made adjustments to it.
The test will begin in a moment, please be seated and wait your turn.

Just answer. Timing is a factor.  They're just questions, designed to provoke a wargaming response.


1. Spent at least £500 on figures / tanks?
Yes.  : 1
You mean annually right? Because if you mean in total, ever, you need to ratchet up that number! 

2. Pricked your finger or thumb on a pike block - several times
Yes.  : 1 

3.  Tried at least 10 different rule sets and vowed never to play half of them ever again
Yes.  : 1
As close to such a vow as I get, which isn't completely, but certainly many I've given up on.    

4.  Bought an army off EBay
No.  : 0

5. Sold an army on EBay
Yes.  : 1

6. spent months painting an army - then used it in anger once
Yes.  : 
Once, or less- some I haven't had the chance. 

7. tried several different periods and genres
Yes.  : 

8. dropped a box of figures on the floor from a great height
No.  : 0

9. lost a battle on the last throw of the dice
Yes.  : 1 .
Isn't that how most battles are lost? 

10. made at least one enemy for life
Yes.  : .
I wouldn't call them 'enemies': that is a title reserved for the real enemies I have.  But intolerable ass-hats who I'd rather avoid and would consider playing a game with, hoping to have fun, a completely hopeless prospect and so I wouldn't bother?  Yes, have run across a couple of those. 

11. had a proper, stand up argument over a wargamers table
Yes.  : .
See above.

12. thrown a dice across a room or inflicted damage on a die that 'let you down'.
No.  : 0 .
I'm not generally given to physical displays and outbursts. Be nice to dice if you wish them to be nice to you. 

13. rebased an army for a different rule set
Yes.  : .
Please Recycle. 

14. inflicted a whopping defeat on an opponent
Yes.  : .
Sweet, sweet victory

15. suffered an embarrassing defeat due to a stupid tactical decision
Yes.  : .
Hey even Napoleon made some stupid decisions.

16. joined a wargamers club
Yes.  : .
This seems more UK-centric. we don't have the organized clubs here, but more informal groups, sure. 

17.  bought a ton of lead that remains unpainted
Yes.  : .
This really should be the litmus test shouldn't it? 

18.  been to a wargamers show
Yes.  : .
Again, more UK-centric. replace with 'Gaming Convention' and yes, many of them. 

19.  have more dice than is logical or necessary to own - and have used most of them
Yes.  : .
I take exception to your implication that having dice in a color to match each army and team is not a necessity.

20.  have taken boxes of troops down to a club just to show them off to your mates
Yes.  : .

And now some extra questions.... -Needed now that Tyrel Corp has introduced the Nexus 6 Gamer. 

21. You have reference books on each period / army you play 
Yes.  : .

22. played so many different games you confidently quote rules for a totally different period, scale or ruleset to the one you're playing at that moment
Yes.  : .

23. You have had dreams in which game mechanics described real-world events

Yes.  : .
Conflict in dreams described in hit points or travel understood in a dream by movement distance and rates.
Yes, this stuff gets in my mind and becomes the 'language' used to express experiences. 

23. You get genuinely excited when a package arrives in the post

Yes.  : .

24. You have joined a re-enactment society

No.  : 0 .

25. You have played in an unsuitable venue 

Yes.  : .
Once even played the Dune boardgame all night, sitting on the cement, waiting in line for tickets for Dead Can Dance.

26. You continue to search for the perfect genre rule set and have not found one that satisfies you

Yes.  : .

27. For that reason you have developed your own house rules for certain periods.  And think them far superior to the original author's efforts.

Yes.  : .

28. You have returned from a wargames show and sneaked upstairs to hide the stash or lied to your romantic partner about how much money you spent .

No.  : 0 .

29. You have an irrational aversion to some genres and vow never to play them regardless of how much fun they look.
Yes.  : .
Not sure it's absolute,but certainly some genres or settings hold little to no interest for me, such as:
Vietnam, Modern, US Civil War. 

30. You have made your own wargames scenery.

Yes.  : .

31. You have reached a painting 'wall' at some point, either now or in the past

Yes.  : .
I reached a point once where I couldn't see any improvement, and it took a lot to break past that and start again to improve.

32. You have lost - and regained - your wargaming mojo.

Yes.  : .
How often do I get strings of bad luck where I can't make rolls in Blood Bowl where I have an 8/9 chance of success (or better)? But It always comes back around. But I will not make a double go-for-it to score unless it's the last turn of the half. I know it's just asking for it. 

33. have you ever bought a wargaming book or miniatures while traveling or on vacation,despite being able to get it cheaper at home, just so you would have gaming items that was bought in someplace foreign or far from home? 

Yes.  : .
Much better than a tourist-trinket!

34. You have done armies in different scales for the same period 

Yes.  : .

35. You have jealously coveted someone else's troops.

Yes.  : .
That whole 'shall not covet' is a bunch of nonsense.  Thou shall covet! and if you're lucky, people will covet what you have too- you know you want them too. 

36. You have laughed (secretly or otherwise) at someone else's paint job 

Yes.  : .
There's some really weird stuff out there.  Laughing can be the appropriate response. 

37. You have provided a piece of useless trivia relating to the troops on the table to show off your wargaming knowledge. 

Yes.  : .

38. You have contradicted someone elses' trivia - demonstrating your superior knowledge and giving you a warm glow inside.

Yes.  : .
Just doing my part to further knowledge.

39. You have caused a major disaster on a wargames table (spilling a pint, collapsing the table, dropped someone else's figures on the floor). 

No.  : 0 .
Just lucky I guess

40. You have cheered when an opponent's dice lets them down at a critical point
Yes.  : .
If you're not excited and relieved for your little guys, you're not involved in the game!

41.  You have lied to your partner about going gaming.  
No.  : 0 .
Why would I? I never understood that. You're an adult, you can't spend your free time doing what you enjoy? It's not like you're going out to steal cars.

42. You have lied to an attractive woman (man) about your hobby.  

No.  : 0 .
Again, never understood why not.  I guess some fear being ridiculed? If someone would give grief over it, that says more about how disastrously immature they are, doesn't it? 

43. You have made an opponent cry.  It doesn't count if they are under 8 years old though.

Yes.  : 1 .
At first I put no.. but I'd forgotten, this did happen once.  Long ago, at a 40k GT. I was playing my nearly-all Ork Bike army, it was against Space Wolves.  My previous game had been against Space Wolves too, and I'd been tabled - it was a real 'glass cannon' army.  But this time, I tabled him.  By turn 3 he didn't have anything left on the battlefield and I'd suffered almost no damage. And he cried. I felt terrible, until in his almost-silent sobs he also said my army was broken and cheesy!  That was too much, I said 'sorry you're unhappy, but my last game was against wolves and I got crushed just as bad as you just did- the army isn't cheesy, it's just a game and anything can happen." But yeah. He cried. 

44. You have painted the same army in the same scale more than once 

Yes.  : .

45. You have reference books on armies you haven't even got.
Yes.  : .
Luckily so.  Otherwise I'd have bought even more minis than I have unpainted now.  Sometimes just fun to look at other potential armies, even when not planning to build it. 

46. You have bought figures for a period you have never and will never play - because they were cheap.

Yes.  : .
Never play? there is always hope.

47. You blog or have a web-page about your Wargaming activities
Yes.  : .

48. Your book collection is almost all war and wargames related

No.  : .
Unless very loosely defined. Most of my books are Science Fiction, Fantasy & Alternate History Novels for fiction and History for non-fiction.  I do have a lot of gaming books, but not near as many as the rest. 

49. You critique 'war' movies (especially Hollywood war movies) for historical accuracy.

Yes.  : .
Would not mind being hired to help historical accuracy in films actually, I'm always running across mistakes.

50. You spend car / train journeys checking out the lie of the land - considering which way you would attack from and whether it would make good wargaming terrain.

Yes.  : .
I've found my mind wandering in that direction,yes. 

Note: I combined the question from the additional Big lee questions about inflicting damage to a die with the original question set about throwing a die across the room, and combined the original questions 23 with 28, since hiding stash & lying about purchases was really the same issue.I replaced 23 with a new question, so now any injury or insult to dice are part of the same question, I also changed question 33, which was about feeling guilty when complaining about family's spending when having spent yourself on unused miniatures, since I felt this question was already covered conceptually by questions about hiding gaming stash/lying as well as the question about having a lot of unpainted lead.  I replaced it with a new question for a new issue. 
This rounds the test to a nice-for-statistical-ease of 50 questions. 


41/50: 82%   B-

Conclusion: I am a replicant- I mean, a wargamer.  
It seems the test believes the most infused wargamer is either dishonest about it to others, or has such a spending problem that to not hide it would endanger their safety and open them up to reprisals. 

Now, let me tell you about my mother...


Lee Hadley said...

Great answers and a great score! (and thanks for the linkback)

Michael Awdry said...

Wonderful answers and one of my all time favourite opening scenes.

styx said...

Heh, fun read! Maybe if I get time I will...

Anne said...

This thing is getting bigger. Jesus this morning it was manageable now, it's a beast.

Ass-hat I love that term, I'm going to co-opt it!

Tony said...

Great result.....

.....I think?

Actually are we trying for a high or low score - and which is the better?


M R Lee said...

Nice, and great answers indeed. Not going to do it myself, as I fear the score.. but great none the less ;)

Paul of the Man Cave said...

Great answers mate!

Why aren't you helping the tortoise Leon?

Paul´s Bods said...

I lost count my score just over halfway through:-D the one one, the lead mountain..would plastic count?

Paul´s Bods said...

The one one??? Makes about much sense as i usually do...:-D The one with bought more than you can possibly paint...

The Angry Lurker said...

Good honest answers my friend, good score as well!

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