Bob: "As long as they're not my bones! I was once run over by a Deathroller, and it is not something I'd like to do again."
Jim: "Then best be on a look out Bob, because today's match is between the Dwarvenholm Wreckers and the Aslan's Asskickers, and you never know if those dwarves might have one of those glorified lawn mowers."
Bob: "Well, someone's not taking care of the pitch grass, again there is no cow!"
Jim: "Yes, the Minotaur is still recovering. But what does that have to do with the grass?"
Bob: "Well, everyone knows where manure comes from Jim."
Jim: "Indeed Bob! Don't forget to support our sponsor! Scoots Miracle Minotaur Manure. You know it's working, because it smells like shit."
I played Game 5 last week, my Narnia Pact team facing a Dwarf team. We'd both suffered some set backs in our last game, so seemed a good match. I'd had my agility 4 goblin die and my minotaur was out for this game, while he had a troll slayer die and had a dwarf blocker out for the game. So he had two journeyman blockers and I had a journeyman marauder. He still got 100k in inducements, and took a second apothecary, not wanting to get more injuries.
We tied for Fame and I won the toss and elected to receive. The kick off result saw a rock being thrown and my ferret was carried off the field into the knock out box. Not an auspicious start.
I kept the ball back, looking for my chance to get past the dwarf line. Unfortunately he had some good blocks and by turn 3 I had 3 players in the knock out box and one injured. The injured player was one of my two fauns with block, the result was 'miss next game' (on turn 1 no less) and as much as I feared I may regret it, I used my apothecary, as I didn't want this valuable player missing what really is 2 games, I got lucky and the doctor did his job, he'd only sit out this game. But in the meantime, with so few players I couldn't move the ball, the dwarves broke through and it was looking bad.
Trying to save the play, the boar (troll) managed to injure a dwarf blocker, clearing a spot, I then blitzed one of his blitzers, but rolled a 1 on the go for it, reroll: what else? 1. He used his apothecary and the blocker was returned to the bench in health.
On Turn 5 he's then free to take the ball from me and scored. Ouch.
Setting up again, I had the frog, skaven & faun in the knock out box, and only the frog came back, so I had 8 players to his 11. My first action was a 2 die block with the Ogre, with no rerolls left, he stuns himself. Egad.
Next turn my elf dodged to get clear to receive, rolled a 1 on the dodge, she goes down. But not all the dice are bad, in response a dwarf blitzer hits my thrower and gets the ball and makes a double go for it to score!
With the score 0-2 and 1 turn left my only chance is to throw the frog. I made the right play, right rolls, the frog deviated favorably, but bungled the landing. Didn't injure himself, but that ended my turn and the half. If he'd only stuck the landing I'd be going in 1-2, but as it is, I'm 2 down... not looking good.
Second half and all my knock outs are back, so I have 10 players to his 11.. better odds.
I kick to him, and another jerk in the stands throws a rock! It stuns my elf!
That does it! I'm writing it in our contract, no more playing games on "Free Rock Night"!
He moved to cage up on my left, so I sent my ferret with decent movement and wrestle to make a risky 1 die blitz to gum up his works. It's a little risky, but being 2 down, I have to shake things up fast. The slow dwarves aren't going to give me many opportunities to steal the ball and tie it up or win.
The ferret dodges, fails, reroll: it's good, moves around the dwarf defense to throw a 1 die block: skull and knock out. Poor ferret, just isn't her game today.
Turn 4 the dwarf runner makes a double go for it to get clear of my threat, but fails and goes down!
My elf gets the ball. The runner then gets back up, dodges, blitzes the elf but gets a push... a grudge brawl is building here.
Knowing what had to be done, she makes a long pass to the faun, Mr. Hodgensworth, who catches it and scores.
No dwarf for miles, I score. The game ends with a dwarf victory of 2-1.
I had some real bad luck the first half, but it cleared up by the second, just not in time to get a tie or better.
Next game my new Elk will be ready to play and I got 3 skill rolls from this game.
The boar (troll) now has guard, the bear (ogre) has block (!) and Mr. Hodgensworth now has agility 4!
Not too shabby. But my record has now dipped below neutral, and I'm getting quite a bit of team value bloat, so we'll see how the next game goes.
Thanks for watching the game, don't forget to take your rock with you.