I think the debate is silly.
It's the same as the moral majority complaining about 'devil music', or D&D back in the 80's, or pornography, etc. Unstable people will do unstable things: games and media don't create them this way.
But that's just my experience. I'm not a violent person. I've only physically hurt people a few times, and those times were in self defense. I am not cruel to animals, unless you count eating a hamburger cruelty.
I do not hunt animals and would derive no pleasure from doing so, but I can accept people who do if they need to eat: that is part of our evolution as a species after all. In general I am against war, a borderline pacifist, and the current state of violence and oppression in the world makes me depressed.
I was raised with these ideals. My grandmother who raised me made sure I had no military toys, no toy guns, etc. My favorite toys were plastic animals and Legos.
Yet here I am, having spent half my life playing with toy soldiers and it being my highest hobby love. That makes me suspect that there is something instinctive in the human psyche that is geared toward tactical violence. We enjoy it because it is an instinct that was needed for survival. We 'play' at this, much the same way kittens bat at string and chase laser pointers: it is play, but behind it are the deadly instincts that are hardwired into the DNA for survival. So I'm convinced that wargames are good wholesome fun. No one would look at a dog chasing a frisbee and say "what an aggressive unstable animal" just because he plays, using his hunting instincts.
I was thinking about all this from watching this video.
Ironically, one of my favorite 'approved' non-violent toys of childhood.
I don't think my grandmother would approve, but I think I understand more where this comes from and what it means- and doesn't mean.